Tha Real...

In all my infinite knowledge, there is one thing that has always eluded me: the definition of "real". Webster's and Oxford both claim the definition as "being of true and actual fact", but, that doesn't always end up being the case. My longing for the definition has been piqued recently with hip-hoppers claiming to be walking, talking, BREATHING epitomes of said meaning (usually being found out to be otherwise). Case in point, recently Miami d-boy rapper Rick Ross neé William Rogers was alleged to have fabricated his Tony Montana-esque exploits. Do I care? Definitely not, but, I'm also one of the few who don't live my life vicariously through the rhymes of others. But, the moment this "bombshell" made it's rounds through hip-hop media (rags and blogs), suddenly everyone from the ORIGINAL "Freeway" Ricky Ross to various artists had to express their two cents on how Mr. M-I-Yayo had ruined his standing in the hip-hop community. Everyone was clamoring to explain how he wasn't as "real" as he claimed to be... mind you, this is the same man who has claimed, on record, to know incarcerated Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega (for you kiddies under 30, read about the Iran-Contra scandal under President Reagan...). Again, I don't live vicariously through someone else's rhymes, but even I knew that this guy isn't on a first name basis with Manuel Noriega! But, something about hip-hop gave this clown a pass to boast about drug deals so outrageous that REAL dope boys looked to him like some kind of patron saint of dealers! And it doesn't stop OR start with Mister "Trilla", rappers pasts being exposed is as was just as common in the 70's and 80's as it is now.


Which brings me to the other side of this word "real." Recently, Ice T made the internet go crazy when he verbally spanked 16 or 17 year-old rapper Soulja Boy. Ice's beef with young Soulja? Souja Boy's penchant for super-sugary pop hits like "Crank Dat (Superman)" and "YAHHH!!!" Ice even went so far as to blame the young'n for the decline in hip-hop sales, and the disinterest in hip-hop by fans of hardcore gangsta rap... Really, Ice? The man who recorded a happy little dance song for the movie "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo"? The man that tried to go mainstream so badly that he decided to play a cop in, not only "New Jack City", but full-time on "Law & Order: SVU"? This, of course, AFTER he and his rock band cronies recorded that now infamous tune "Cop Killer". But, I digress... Ice (and ALL his supporters) claimed that the music that Soulja Boy created wasn't "real" (there's that word, again...) hip-hop. Happy, party-inspired, danceable music set to an uptempo beat isn't "real" hip-hop? Or is it that his music doesn't invoke vivid imagery of violence, misogeny, dope selling, pandering, or other staples of the gangsta rap genre? People of the hip-hop generation have always had some long standing desire to be relevant in irrelevant times, popularly, about irrelevant things...

50 Cent was shot (and grazed) 9 times in front of his grandmother's home, a fact that, in all it's grandeur, has very little to do with anything. 50 turned, what should've been, an experience to change his lifestyle, into a multimillion dollar hip-hop career. Now, what's real? Is it that, in being shot, 50 became impervious to any shots (be they physical OR verbal), or that his (God given) strong will and work ethic helped him pull himself up through tough times? Which would you choose to believe?

I, like most of my family members, are products of the hip-hop generation. We all have our likes and dislikes, but one thing we can't all agree upon is one, silly question: "Who's the greatest MC of ALL time?" You've read my blogs and, though, though I tend to favor southern rap more than most other regions, I feel diverse enough to display my own opinions. One cousin feels obligated, at his leisure, to engage in debate with me about this subject, and his case for why 2Pac is the greatest. "He's the realest nigga, EVER!!" is usually his arguement. "Okay," I retort, "what makes him so real? And why does that reserve him the place of G.O.A.T?" This, more often than not, causes a complete meltdown of any "civil" conversation...

Reality in rap music doesn't make me like a guy/gal any more/less. Because you found a way to avoid jailtime in your previous criminal endeavors, only to boast about them in simple rhyme structure does NOT impress me. The fact that you claimed to have been on more poles than Jeff Gordan and Kyle Busch COMBINED (that's a NASCAR reference on yo punk asses!!), only tells me that you take pride in your lack of moral fiber. Honestly, I listen to music like I watch movies and television, to ESCAPE reality. I live in a fucked up enough world that, by simply watching the news or reading a newspaper, I get bombarded with atrocities that seem like something from Michael Crichton's (damn, this guy's just name-dropping today!) latest novel. Why can't I escape to a land where everything is upbeat, and I don't have to worry about recessions, ridiculous gas prices, fixed elections, senseless murders, kangaroo courts, police corruption and brutality, phoney preachers, pedophiles, and rape? A place where I can "Supersoak that hoe!!", and my chain "hangs low", and maybe "wobbles to the flo"... a place where I can enjoy music for it's creativity AND it's social commentary... I don't know. Maybe I'm too REAL to ever understand or accept that place.